Do you think it’s a blessing that I’m here?

Maybe fifteen minutes into my Monday morning shift at Water Street’s Outreach Mission (the relief branch of the ministry), I meet Gerald and his aggressive sarcasm. The first thing he says to me is, “You- You stand over there and just shut up. Do you think you can do that?” 

I can tell he somehow means it as a joke because he’s laughing but it just feels unnecessary and mean to me. And uber-confusing.

But he’s the one leading the organizing efforts so I can’t do anything but step aside and wait for instructions. Gerald continues: “Oh sure, stand right where I’m about to put this pallet.”

I’m shocked and definitely feel my eyes stinging at that. So I turn to pack potatoes into bags as I try to make sense of the interaction.

This was not how my day first started out.

My day started out with a rare & refreshing chance to pray before my shift. As I groggily choked down black coffee I prayed, writing, “I’ve got these people around me. Jesus, will you teach me through them? Will you show me how to love them? Will you help me to freely enjoy them today?” (Enjoying people has been a theme for me.)

But Gerald has effectively thrown me off.

While packing potatoes, I get singled out again. Gerald shouts over to me, “What’s your name?”

I give him my name with a smile, trying to lighten us up, but he gruffly asks, “Do you think it’s a blessing that I’m here today, Becky?”  

My mind races. I do logically believe that he is a blessing to Water Street, but I wouldn’t say I feel like it at that moment. I’m pretty sure my jaw drops a little revealing because he snickered. So I determinedly answer, “Yes. Yes I do.”  But I also ask back, “Do you think it’s a blessing that I’m here, Gerald?”

And he replies back in kind, “Yes I do.”

So we just had this moment but I’m still feeling pretty confused. Memory of my morning prayer pops into my head. I had asked God to teach me to enjoy people today. Enjoy him?? I flash at God – “Are you mocking me?”

I take a breath and think, “Okay, God. I’m going to love him.”  

So I wait for the next opportunity, for Gerald to walk by. And when he does, I warmly (and somehow sincerely!) ask him where he’s from.

It turns out he’s from West Chester, of all places! And his son graduated with me in Downingtown. We actually have a number of things in common. So now, he keeps up the sarcasm and taunts, but not quite as nasty as before and I decide to just taunt right back. I’m not all meekness, I’ll have him know!

At some point he turns to me and asks how long I’ve been sober. I stumble through some awkward answer but his question begs to be reciprocated so I ask him right back.

And there, in the middle of bagging up milk pints, he tells me his story – drinking, attempted suicide, being institutionalized. And he confides in me: “Water Street, you see, they’re a Christian ministry and all but they butter everything up. If you want to talk to someone who won’t butter everything up, you can talk to me.  I’m Christian too – I’m Catholic. But if you need to talk, I’m here and I’ll tell it like it is.  No bulls__t.”  

And then Gerald repeats himself very seriously and I feel my eyes begin to sting (for the second time that morning) because now I’m being cared for by this abrasive man.  

We keep working together a bit – me wiping the counters and him making his taunts and jokes, and though it's certainly not my sense of humor, I realize that I am enjoying this guy. It stuns me when that thought comes to my mind. I'm speechless as I realize how God guided me through this morning – to a place of enjoying this man!

Today, God showed me His character. He’s out for me – really out for me – and doesn’t want to just teach me something trite about loving people. Nothing so easy for me. I asked him to grow something Kingdomly in me and he took my prayer seriously, guiding me on a rough road so I really got it. It wasn’t mocking – it was care.  How bizarre and seemingly-backwards that a painful morning is how God chose to show me he cares!  

Yes, Gerald, it was a blessing that you were at Water Street this morning.