They say living in close community like this in the city brings the best and the worst out of people. I'll attest to that. We've only been here half a week, and no lie that it's been a tough couple o' days for me. I've been realizing just how unready I am for this program. I've been realizing just how much work God has to do in me. I've been realizing how all the selfishness and pride and arrogance and self-image that I thought I had under control still master me when I least expect it.
Understand that I came into this program figuring I'd be a pro here; I've done missions all my life, I've lived in the city before, I've been hearing about the issues that are present here. But all the things I believed I was good at, things as simple as just listening to a person's story, have wound up being things I'm failing at and need to learn from others about. Realizing how needy I still am is a frustrating experience.
Thanks be to God that our salvation and sanctification don't rest on our efforts, but His. We were blessed tonight by being able to attend a local inner-city church service. And that's exactly where God intended to break through to me. I wanna give my all to God and Lancaster city, but the truth is He is the One giving to us. All we can give Him pales in comparison to what He's already given us and still will. I need to learn to accept His grace and correction with humility, realizing that I don't have it all together, which only highlights His goodness and love for those who really need it. People like me.
Thanks God, for showing me that I still got growing to do, and would You continue to water a seed that's been planted.
Dear Wes-I have been carrying your post around in my heart all week. I wanted to respond but needed time to reflect and find the words. Thank you for your raw honesty and courage. I too struggle with pride and arrogance. We spend a lot of time worrying about raising our families in the "right neighborhood" where they can go to the "best schools" and have the "good neighbors." We seek to distinguish ourselves by doing what? We create a bubble. You stepped out in faith. May God continue to water your soul. You fed mine with this post.
ReplyDelete